In the wake of a recent article published by the Costa Rica Star, the editor reached out to Zach C. Cohen, author of From Costa Rica to Israel, an article… Read more » Continue reading →
In the wake of a recent article published by the Costa Rica Star, the editor reached out to Zach C. Cohen, author of From Costa Rica to Israel, an article published by New Voices that contained less-than-flattering remarks about the lovable city of San Jose. Mr. Cohen’s reply was not quite pura vida, and thus here’s our rebuttal, parodied from the 1990 film A Few Good Men:
The Place: San Jose, Costa Rica
The Setting: The Secular and Cultural Affairs Section at the Ministry of Endless Quarreling and Kvetching (Spanish acronym: MEQUEJO) in San Jose.
The Players: Zach C. Cohen and a Jewish person from Costa Rica, a Tico or Tica (known heretofore to as Tic@).
The Matter: The questionable gastronomy of San Jose.
Mr. Cohen: Shalom. So tell me, Tic@: Did you order the kosher gallopinto?
Tic@: I don’t think I have to answer that question.
Mr. Cohen: Oh, I think I’m entitled to an answer.
Tic@: You want answers?
Mr. Cohen: I want the pura vida!
Tic@: YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE PURA VIDA!
Son, we live in a city that has sodas, and those sodas have to be frequented by hungry Tic@s. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Mr. Cohen? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for the latkes, and you curse the casados. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: That the food in San Jose, while insipid, nourishes many lives. And that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, keeps soda owners in business. You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about during Sabbath, you want me in that soda, you need me in that soda. We use words like mae, guila, tuanis. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent eating rice and beans. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a mensch who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the pura vida that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said l’chaim and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you take a number, and stand in line forever at Banco Nacional. Either way, I don’t give a flying arepa what you think you are entitled to.
Mr. Cohen: Did you order the kosher gallopinto?
Tic@: I was hungover and late for work, and I …
Mr. Cohen: Answer the question! Did you order the kosher gallopinto!?
Tic@: You’re Yahweh-right I did!
Author’s Note: Quite a few gallopinto recipes call for kosher salt. You can get ingredients to make a fully kosher gallopinto at the Kosher Center in Pavas, and you can stay up-to-date on kosher matters in Costa Rica at YeahThatsKosher.com. For an insightful account of Jewish life in Costa Rica, please read Eliecer Feinzaig’s article on La Nacion: As Tico as Gallopinto, But Kosher (article in Spanish).
Also, Mr. Cohen spent some time studying at the National University in Heredia, where he stayed with a host family; in a way, you could say he’s like Tico mishpocheh now. The Costa Rica Star has reviewed his work at TIME Magazine and USA Today; it’s good stuff, and we suggest you take time to read it. He left our country recently; here’s a snippet of the last blog post he wrote before taking off from SJO:
Tomorrow Ill be on a plane to Miami, and from there, to Newark, N.J.
And thats that. That will be the end of my 4-month life in Costa Rica. No more Spanish, no more amazing mountains, jungles and beaches, no more delicious Tico food.
Mr. Cohen has also covered recent matters related to the ongoing presidential election campaign. You can listen to his radio report about a past debate among the candidates on the topic of education; sadly, this has been a mostly ignored topic during the campaign.
Mazel Tov is in order for Mr. Cohen, who is currently on an internship at the Metro desk of the Washington Post, but who may set his sights on international affairs journalism in the future.